5 Really, Really Stupid Criminals

Whoever said crime doesn’t pay had an accurate description of these scandalous criminals. This list of some of the most idiotic law-breakers will make you feel like a genius. The deplorable dummies on this list are certainly no scholars, and you might find it hard to believe that their crimes are actually real. Armed with a little stupidity and a lot of gumption, these five criminals will make you shake your head in confused wonder.

Goldilocks Asleep
No one expects to come home and find themselves in a disturbing fairy tale, but that’s exactly what happened to an English couple who returned from vacation to discover not a blond child asleep in their bed, but a burglar! Not only had their intruder crashed in their bedroom, but he’d also done their dishes, threw in some laundry, and picked up some groceries to fill up the cupboards. Knowing he was caught, the burglar had no choice but to admit to the (helpful) crime and was ordered to pay a fine and serve a two-year conditional discharge.

Helping Police One Facebook Post at a Time
This criminal seemed to want to be caught—or at least give the police a good chance at apprehending him. When the police posted a Facebook appeal to help them catch the man for violating his probation terms, the criminal decided to answer the post himself with a cheeky ‘catch me if you can’ message. Later, he even told a news agency that he’d been walking around near his home and was surprised he hadn’t been caught. When the police finally arrested him, they thanked him for his assistance in his own apprehension.

Duly Noted

If there’s one thing you don’t want to do when robbing a bank, it’s faint. That’s just what happened to a would-be robber in Ohio, though, when he passed out in the middle of a heist. The teller called for paramedics and when they were en route, the criminal woke up. Instead of running, though, he decided to continue with his plan and handed the teller a note demanding all her cash.

Parlez-vous Idiot
Bi-lingual criminals take heed—you should never assume that those you are scamming don’t know multiple languages as well! This was the mistake of one ‘victim’ who called the police to report her window smashed and her electronics and jewelry missing. When officers arrived, she hysterically repeated her story, then took a call from her French-speaking father. Slipping into her native tongue, she explained to her father that it was all an insurance scam. Unfortunately for her, the responding officer also spoke several languages—French included—and she was busted.

License, Registration, and an Attorney Please
If you’re going to impersonate a police officer, it doesn’t mean you actually have to do his job. That’s what’s this dumb criminal decided to do, though, when he donned a cop uniform and pulled over a motorist for speeding. The unlucky imposter happened to pull over another plain clothes police officer, who instantly knew something wasn’t right. The imposter was quickly arrested for impersonating a police officer—but we’re still not sure if the actual policeman got a ticket.

Hopefully after reading about the idiots on this dumb criminals list, you'll have learned some life lessons. For instance, don't try to be someone you’re not. Or that not everything needs to be a post on Facebook. These are some of the worst criminals ever, who were just too stupid to be successful.